i feel i have to write something. do i say how i feel? do i try to get a different perspective? do i just 'encourage'? i don't feel like encouraging.
i want friendship, i want to call to say OHMYGOODNESS you won't believe what i saw today, or AH billy's bugging me (and not feel judged)
i constantly feel judged, like i'm not living up to people's expectations. it's stressful, i only need to live for God, no one else. nothing else. just God. but i continuously forget that. ALL THE TIME i forget that.
on the bright side--- i'm looking at food as a source of energy, not as something to do (for the most part that it, i stil just want food cause i can sometimes) the fast helped, super processed foods kind of gross me out. God provided food for us to survive, not to enjoy and indulge in. I can eat what i want, when i want to, and i can have more later if i want, i just don't want to eat just anything, all the time, right at that moment.
i can enjoy my fries with ketchup, stop when i'm full, and know that i can get more when i'm hungry again, i don't need to finish the whole plate at that time, I CAN STOP EATING WHEN I WANT TOO! it's empowering, and i'm so happy that God revealed this to me after my fast. it's not a list of can't(s) to eat properly, it's a list of i can(s). and it's not losing weight, it's not 'dieting' it's eating properly and living a healthy life. it's almost ridiculous how 'common sense' -like all this is, but it's the truth, we as a people over eat and indulge and it's bad for us. yet we do it anyway, bc it tastes good at the time and we deal with it later.
School is stressing my out, too much work on top of my actual job working at gap. maybe a new job, or time off is needed, i need the motivation for school, i don't have it. i shouldnt even be blogging, i should be doing school work.
ugh. i need to be more positive again, i need to have fun again.
bright side- 21 NEXT WEEK! WOOOOOOOT!!!
